Well, this will ruin an otherwise fine day

Quick......
if you just had to locate your income tax returns for 1995,1996, and 1997 could you do it? If so, congratulations.
If not, welcome to my world.
The Great State of Ohio thinks that I owe them income taxes for 1995, 1996, 1997, 2003,2004,2005.

According to the nice lady at the state tax office, the IRS reported some information to the state of Ohio that makes them think I owe them money. What that information is, she can't say, but I've got to prove that I didn't live in Ohio by proving I paid state taxes to someone else, or else I get to pay back taxes and interest to the State of Ohio.

2003 I get--that was the first year since 1998 that I didn't live in Ohio. I guess I can even sort of understand '04 and '05 because my employer is an Ohio-based company.

But why there is a question about the mid-'90's is beyond me. I lived in New Jersey in 1995 and Manhattan in '96,'97. My employer was New Jersey based. I had zero, nada, ditto zilcho connection to the state of Ohio, and I guarantee you that I paid enormous state and city taxes to my municipality and state in those years (I paid enormous taxes to the state of Maine in 03-05, but Retired Guy was in charge of the taxes in those years, so I can prove that).

Unfortunately, it is up to me to prove that last sentence is true and I have zero, nada, ditto zilcho idea of where those income tax statements are.
Heck, I can't even remember if I filed using TurboTax in any of those years and if yes, I know for sure those electronic files are gone. I'm relatively certain that my paper copies are gone as well, either lost with the 18 boxes of stuff that the movers lost in my Manhattan to Cincinnati move or just misplaced in the four moves I've made since 1995.

The letter arrived in today's mail. I have until February 16th to prove Ohio is wrong or pay up. Even my undying devotion to The Ohio State University Buckeyes is not enough to extract an extension of the deadline.

I know that I'm an adult and I'm supposed to be responsible for these kinds of things. And I've promised God that I will be, right after He miraculously places those tax returns in my sweaty little palms by February 14.

I've also promised God that I'm not paying one thin dime in taxes that I don't owe to a State that teaches Intelligent Design in its classrooms and who had a state congressman sponsor a bill that would make it a felony offense to transport a woman across a state line for an abortion, even if that pregnancy was guaranteed to kill her.

Nup. Not going to help pay for general silliness.